


the five times remus lupin danced and the one time he didn't

by yikesdann



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Sad, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:01:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29515017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikesdann/pseuds/yikesdann
Summary: very sad one-shot. i apologise. whoops.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	the five times remus lupin danced and the one time he didn't

**Author's Note:**

> sort of an au where remus leaves the order and moves away after ootp. apologies if writing in lowercase makes you mad.  
> -  
> content warning: throwing up

**\+ i.**

_march, 1970_

remus' heart swelled as he received the last of his birthday presents- the first he opened was a brand new record player. he'd been borrowing lyall's for quite some time, and they listened to the beatles together, but he had never imagined that he would get one of his own. he grinned at his father, who smiled back warmly, and gestured for him to open his last present, wrapped carefully. excitedly, he tore it open and found a record. the cover was interesting. four men, walking on a crosswalk, each dressed for a different event. in an instant, something in his brain clicked.

"dad, is this the new beatles album?!" his head snapped to look at lyall, who grinned sheepishly and shrugged, then said "dunno, guess we'll have to listen to it and see, eh?"

his father put on the record, and danced clumsily to the first song. it wasn't something you'd typically dance to, and hope laughed heartily from the armchair she was perched on. lyall's movements were stoic and definitely didn't work with the song, but remus joined along nevertheless. he rarely danced, although his mum had attempted to sign him up for ballet lessons (he flat out refused. no one needed to see him fall on a stage, least of all if the only thing he was wearing was a tight mallot).

remus and lyall danced for the whole song, laughing at the ridiculous lyrics and mimicking each other's moves. remus had never felt this sort of unparalleled happiness before.

his first memory of being ten years old was exactly that; dancing in the living room with his dad, while his mum smiled fondly at both of them. it was something he'd think about many, many years later, and the only anecdote he was able to choke out at lyall's funeral.

**________________________________**

**\+ ii.**

_november, 1973_

"c'mon, moony! it's my birthday! you can't refuse to dance! it's, like, the law!" sirius protested, and remus shook his head vehemently. no, absolutely not.

"pads, you're my best mate, i would probably die for you, you mean a lot to me, et cetera, but my dancing skills are so horrendous that i am quite sure that the majority of these people," remus gestured vaguely to the people who were attending sirius' fourteenth birthday party, "will leave and never return to hogwarts again if they see me dance. i am not joking. it is truly appalling."

he finished speaking and took a swig of his firewhisky, and surveyed sirius with a curious glance. the black-haired boy had his arms folded, and for a second he looked incredibly similar to his brother, but remus decided against pointing it out.

"moons, to be frank, i am quite drunk right now, and i only understood about two of those words you just said, but i'm assuming you said that you'd dance with me because that's what best friends are for." 

"ask prongs, then." 

"already did. he's a bit busy trying to woo evans with his dance moves. from what i've heard, it's not working."

remus cast a glance over to james potter, who was thrusting his arms wildly in front of a slightly terrified-looking lily evans. he looked back at sirius, who was now using his infamous 'puppy eyes', something that had become quite useful when he wanted to get something to go his way.

 _fuck it,_ remus thought. _these people are drunk out of their minds already, and probably won't remember this anyways._

"fine." 

sirius' eyes lit up and he smiled slyly, but remus put up a hand before he could say anything.

"only one song, though." sirius rolled his eyes at this, but still stuck out his hand and led remus to the main area of the party, where people were dancing to something remus didn't recognise. dorcas meadowes, who was in charge of the music, saw sirius approaching and called out his name. looking back at remus, apologetically, sirius moved towards her and spoke hurriedly. she laughed at what he said and tossed her hair.

that was fine.

whatever. 

remus didn't care about what sirius did with girls. why would he?

when he came back to remus, the song changed, to a tune that remus immediately recognised.

"padfoot, you can't dance to bowie!"

"nothing's impossible when you're with me, my dear rem. will you grant me the honour of dancing with me?" sirius put on his poshest accent and grabbed remus' waist, and remus didn't have time to protest, as bowie started to sing.

_didn't know what time it was, the lights were low- oh, oh_

_i leaned back on my radio- oh, oh_

they danced as if the song was a classical piece, moving quickly and doing what seemed to be a wildly inaccurate waltz. remus was starting to regret the firewhisky as sirius spun him around the gryffindor common room. for the chorus, sirius let go of him, said some words of encouragement, and let remus get carried away by the music.

_there's a starman waiting in the sky_

_he'd like to come and meet us_

_but he thinks he'd blow our minds_

remus danced, arms flailing everywhere, and caught a glimpse of sirius grinning at him, dancing along with him. when the break before the second verse came, they held hands and twirled around until the world was spinning, sirius' face blurry and remus' stomach churning.

later, when he was throwing up in the cold dormitory bathroom, he vowed to himself that he'd never dance again. 

**________________________________**

**\+ iii.**

_may, 1974_

"remus remus remus remus remus moony moony moony moony moony lupin lupin lup-" 

"what the fuck, sirius?" remus groaned.

remus had been taking a wonderful nap, where he'd dreamt about sirius breaking up with marlene mckinnon. it was truly incredible. 

not that he was jealous, of course not. he just missed spending time with his best friend, was all. 

he squinted blearily at sirius, who was smiling wildly and shaking slightly. his hair was put up in a bun, held haphazardly by his wand. remus marvelled at the way in which the afternoon light bathed his face in a beautiful orange colour. 

"andy sent me a package."

it took remus a split second to figure out who he was talking about, and, when he realized, he sat up in his bed, all tiredness suddenly gone.

"andromeda?! no way! did b-" remus exclaimed, and sirius nodded, standing up.

"he released a new album! it's called diamond dogs!" sirius reached over to his own bed, and handed the record to remus, who marvelled at the eccentricness that was customary to any bowie album cover art.

"where are prongs and wormtail?" he inquired, and sirius shrugged.

"james is at quidditch practice, wormtail is probably off somewhere in the castle, destroying someone at chess."

remus snorted.

"what's your favourite song on it, then?", remus asked, flipping the record over and reading the song titles.

sirius didn't reply, and remus looked up. he was looking at him quizzically.

"i haven't listened to it yet, silly," he said slowly, as if remus didn't understand.

"i wanted to listen to it with you, for the first time."

remus' stomach fluttered, which he assumed was from the excitement of a new bowie album. sirius was still standing up, looking suddenly awkward and gangly. remus laughed, patting his bed, and sirius made himself comfortable, sitting down.

remus fidgeted with the record player he'd brought to hogwarts, and handled the record with care. his dad had taught him how to do that. the record crackled and remus sat on his bed, feeling sirius' presence next to him, buzzing with happiness.

the music started playing, and sirius was silent throughout the first few songs. he was smiling wide, his eyes closed. remus, afraid to break the spell that seemed to have settled over them, didn't speak either. in all honesty, he wasn't listening to the album properly. he was too focused on the way sirius' lips curled when he smiled, and how he drummed the rhythm of the songs on the bedspread, fingertips tapping along to the music. sirius' eyes opened, narrowing mischievously, catching remus' stare, and there was another flutter in his stomach.

when a new song came on, with electric guitar that seemed to shake the whole dormitory, sirius' smile turned into a grin, and he stood up and began to dance.

_you've got your mother in a whirl_

_she's not sure if you're a boy or a girl_

_hey babe, your hair's alright_

_hey babe, let's go out tonight_

remus laughed at the first lines of the song, noticing the irony of sirius dancing along to songs about someone with nice hair and a bewildered mother.

"moony! dance with me!" sirius shouted over the music. remus rolled his eyes, and was about to say no, when he realized that there was no reason why he _shouldn't_.

after all, they were alone. remus was sober. sirius was dancing, too, so remus wouldn't have to look like a fool, dancing alone.

"fine." remus muttered, and stood up, pretending not to notice sirius' look of glee.

_rebel rebel, you've torn your dress_

_rebel rebel, your face is a mess_

_rebel rebel, how could they know?_

_hot tramp, i love you so!_

they danced together, occasionally shouting "rebel rebel!" when they knew it was coming up. sirius laughed loudly when remus pretended to dance like a robot, and remus laughed back when sirius tripped doing a complicated move and fell onto the freezing floor.

when the song was finished, remus bowed, as if it had been the performance of a lifetime, and sirius clapped, face flushed. they settled back onto the bed, ready for the next song.

it seemed like sirius was constantly smiling.

a few hours later, james and peter would find the two boys sleeping soundly on the same bed, a bowie record still on the player (although it had stopped playing music), their hands almost touching.

"when d'you think we should tell them that they're in love?" peter had whispered.

james stifled a laugh as he settled onto his own bed. 

"i think it's more fun for all of us if they figure it out by themselves," he whispered back.

**________________________________**

**\+ iv.**

_march, 1975_

"evans, this one's for you."

'your song' by elton john blasted from remus' record player, which he had had to forfeit for this confession of love. james cleared his throat and began singing over elton.

_it's a little bit funny_

_this feeling inside..._

sirius, remus, and peter, who were behind james, began their choreography, swaying in unison, something they'd meticulously planned the night before. around them, it seemed like the entire house of gryffindor was watching and laughing loudly. somewhere in the distance, remus heard what sounded suspiciously like the click of a camera. this was why he didn't dance. the utter embarrassment that went along with it was too much.

but, alas, he'd made a promise to james.

as the song went on, and the marauders continued swaying, remus really, _really_ hoped that lily didn't do anything drastically violent to james, due to this confession. last time, she'd put a spell on his broom that caused it to fly away whenever he went near it. and that was only because james had given her a valentine. he cringed at the memory.

"moons, you okay?" sirius whispered.

"i'm oka-" remus turned to look at him, and _oh._

looking into sirius' eyes, it seemed as if something clicked into place.

he was completely, totally, stupidly in love with sirius black. _fuck_.

he shook his head, as if trying to get the thought out, but it stuck for the rest of the song. he couldn't bring himself to look at sirius again, for fear that he'd burst into tears, or punch him, or kiss him.

instead, he danced, and decided he would tell james and peter later. they'd understand. surely.

_later that day;_

"i think i'm in love with sirius."

james looked up from his book at remus. he groaned, and dug into his pocket for a galleon, throwing it to peter, who whooped happily.

"honestly, moony, couldn't you have waited a bit longer to tell us? you just cost me a galleon, mate." james said in a fake exasperated tone, as peter threw the coin up in the air and caught it.

"you knew?!" remus looked at his friends, incredulous, and they nodded, laughing. 

"since fourth year, mate. you're quite obvious."

remus' mouth opened at this. remus lupin, obvious?!

"really?"

"uh. yes," james said simply.

"and you're both okay with it?" remus was surprised.

"moony, we became animagi to help you because you're a fucking werewolf. d'you really think we'd mind if you were gay?" peter explained, and remus smiled serenely. that was true.

"you should tell him," james suggested, and remus shook his head.

"no way." 

"uh, lads, not to worry you, but i think he already knows."

the three boys looked up at the door, where sirius was leaning on the doorframe.

it took approximately two seconds for james and peter to leave the room, hurriedly, coming up with excuses, leaving remus and sirius alone.

sirius smiled, one of those soft smiles he reserved for remus only, and as he walked towards him and leaned in, remus forgot about any worry he'd ever had.

**________________________________**

**\+ v.**

_september, 1980_

james and lily's wedding was overly dramatic, in more ways than one. sirius had hired live musicians to play non stop throughout the whole night, people were crying into handkerchiefs saying "bless, euphemia and fleamont would've loved this", and there was a massive chocolate fountain that, although impressive at first, was now being used as a waterfall by the young weasley twins.

more than anything, it was dramatic because they were in the middle of a war. they wanted to savour these last few moments of happiness. wasn't that the whole point of a wedding, to celebrate love?

remus was standing awkwardly, watching james and lily spin around the dance floor. despite his nerves at the prospect of dancing, he managed to muster a smile.

 _look at them,_ he thought. _if only we could stay in this moment forever._

"penny for your thoughts?" 

remus jumped at the sound of sirius' voice, who had started to cackle maliciously, doubling over with laughter. he had been doing this for some time; creeping up behind remus and scaring the ever-loving shit out of him.

"you prick!" he spluttered, and sirius managed to compose himself, stretching out a hand.

"ah, that never gets old. anyways, will you grant me the honour of dancing with me?" he asked gallantly, and remus scoffed.

"watch out, black, people might think you like me or something."

"oh, no! my reputation!" sirius gasped in mock surprise, and remus laughed at that. him and sirius had been dating for quite a while.

he tried not to think too often about what might happen if one them got sent to a mission with the order and didn't return-

_no. i am not thinking these morbid thoughts, definitely not at prongs' wedding._

"moony?"

sirius' voice snapped him back into reality, and he took his hand begrudgingly.

"only one dance. and i am doing this because i love you. no other reason."

something about the situation reminded remus, rather vividly, of the time him and sirius had danced to bowie, in third year. he was so young back then, not even realizing that he was on the verge of falling in love. the war has all but something in the fine script of the daily prophet. he had changed so much, since that gryffindor party. it almost seemed as if he wasn't the same anymore, as if this war had stripped him away from who he was. 

the song started, rather loudly.

_i can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things_

_we can do the tango just for two..._

"queen? really?" remus looked sirius quizzically, who simply shrugged and flashed him a smile.

"what can i say, i'm a man of taste."

james and lily, glowing in their happiness, twirled around them, lily mouthing the lyrics and james mouthing them back.

"get a room!" sirius shouted at them, and james put up a middle finger at him, his eyes still locked on lily.

"c'mon, didn't you want to dance?" remus asked, and sirius turned back at him, immediately commencing quite a quick waltz.

"i literally want to die." remus muttered in embarrassment, and sirius threw his head back laughing.

"aw, rem, it's not that bad! everyone's dancing, look!" he gestured vaguely, and remus saw that even the usually uptight people were going into the dancefloor and enjoying the music. molly, arthur, even moody and mcgonagall, were dancing slowly and smiling. except for peter- who was probably taking a cigarette break, remus reasoned.

_ooh, love_

_ooh, lover boy..._

_what you doing tonight?_

_ooh, hey boy_

"somehow, i feel like freddie wrote this song about me."

"yes, pads, he definitely wrote this song about you, who he's never met."

"oi! rude!"

he laughed at sirius' reaction, and marvelled at his luck. growing up, he'd always felt unlovable. some nights, he stayed up late, making lists in his head on why he was alone. of course, he always had the marauders, but he yearned for someone to love him like in all the love stories he read. 

the amount of love that he had for sirius... it was like all those stories, multiplied by a hundred. he felt a sort of uncomplicated, bare happiness every time he saw him, even if it was something as domestic as when sirius washed the dishes or didn't understand how the telephone box worked.

remus smiled, an honest, pure, smile, and when sirius reflected it, he thought that nothing could possibly ruin it.

"promise me, one day, we'll be old and wrinkly, and we'll dance together to this song?" sirius whispered to him, and remus blinked. it was a sudden statement, but it warmed his heart.

"of course."

that was enough, then, to make them happy. it was all they needed.

**________________________________**

**\- i.**

_november, 1996_

the funeral had taken place that summer. as they had no body to bury, it was held in a simple chapel, and conducted by dumbledore. remus was fuming at this- dumbledore, the man who'd knowingly sent them all to their deaths, preaching about how sad sirius' death was. it was completely unfair, but remus could do nothing but sit there blankly and be angry in silence.

remus attended, but left before it ended. he couldn't bear to see all those people mourning for sirius. _his_ sirius, who he knew better than anyone, who he'd been in love with for more years that he could remember, who he welcomed with open arms even after twelve horrible years. it made him want to tear his hair out, seeing people sniffle pathetically at who they thought sirius was.

molly had tried to contact him, so had tonks, and even harry, but he didn't have an owl anymore. there was no need. he left the wizarding world and moved to a cottage in the middle of the welsh woods, as far away from london as possible. even the thought of being in the near vicinity of grimmauld place made him sick with grief.

so, the woods.

it was peaceful, quiet, the place he picked. it was certainly useful during every full moon. the first full moon without padfoot had been the worst- the werewolf had spent hours looking for his friend, and howling in desperation when his human mind caught up with his animal one. there was no more padfoot, no more sirius, no more happiness, no more anything. the world was blank.

dull.

grey.

remus only lived because of the promise he'd made to sirius. _you'll be dancing alone_ , said a cruel voice in his head, and this time remus managed to shake the thought away, but the threat of drowning in sadness seemed to loom over him. he did what he thought could numb his mind, and put on the radio that lay on the dusty kitchen counter. a song blasted, abruptly.

_set my alarm, turn on my charm_

_that's because i'm a good old-fashioned lover boy..._

he froze. it seemed as if the world was playing a trick on him, by playing this song.

a sharp memory, of james and lily's wedding, bright eyes and genuine smiles, this song playing, sirius' hand on his waist, dancing, swaying, so much love . before they... 

remus sank down to his knees and put his head in his hands, trembling. the song was playing in the background, taunting him, a happy love song to remind him of everything he'd lost, to remind him of everything that was once good and intact.

he craved for sirius- to see that smile again, to meet those eyes, to be stupid with love. he'd do anything to have that back. 

remus' sobs echoed throughout the cottage, hollow, the tears spilling out of his eyes.

for miles, all anyone could hear in those silent woods was the unmistakable sound of the gut-wrenching crying of a man who'd lost absolutely everything that had once made him happy.

**Author's Note:**

> welp, i got this idea today at 3am and i couldn't function until i had written it down. hope you all enjoyed.


End file.
